WIDOW WONDERINGS 

“A correction may sound like it means something is getting “fixed” on Wall Street, but actually it’s a word used to describe both a trigger for financial losses, as well as buying opportunities for investors.” – Mark Koba CNBC

While the financial world has been experiencing the highs and lows of the stock market, I have been thinking about the ups and downs of this life without my husband. Swap out a few words from the above quote and you have my thoughts on grief this week. Only two weeks ago, I wrote about one of the better days and the hope found in experiencing a good second summer. A little over inflation perhaps…. The tricky part is not panicking when the crash comes. Because it always does. Triggers pop up, reality hits, fear rises, confidence fades and my heart sinks. The weight of the sorrow, worry and wondering about my kids weighs me down. I look back at the first months of grief and I am so grateful to be anywhere but there right now. As I become more experienced at this I know better than to worry that I will not rebound. If your loss is new and raw, you will learn this too. But these late summer evenings are wrapped in grief. As we turn toward fall and the return to school days, the loss of a father sharpens. He is missed and missing out.

Fall

Evening fell –

brought me with it.

A gentle landing,

was what I wished.

My futile struggle,

to resist the moonlight,

left me listless.

What the morning promised,

was put to rest.

What night brings,

will wake the sorrow.

My love is gone, again,

when evening arrives 

and he does not.

Life’s broken rhythm,

surprises me still.